Friday, October 23, 2009

Random thought Drabble

I thought about posting this to odd topics but due to the personal nature of this observation I thought here would be the best place.

I tend to try to analyze the reasons for my depression to the point where sometimes I miss big reasons while I am focusing on the small ones. A big one that I have overlooked for almost 4 years is chronic physical pain.

As many of you know from my constant complaints about it I injured my right shoulder about 4 years ago during swim practice and the end of that season I pretty much gave up competitive swimming because I simply could not do it anymore. I could swim through the pain but I could not push myself like I had been.

The doctors were no help, suggesting surgery and cortisone shots and bending my arm in such a way during exams that I could not do the physical therapy afterwards which led them to rule it out. Eventually I just gave up on it and decided to live with constant pain. I couldn't swim like I used to and as many of you know I hardly go near a pool anymore even though it is my favorite thing in the world to do. Then when I came to BYU I realized that I could not even run because the position of my arms hurt my shoulder. So at long last I went to the student health center and have been doing physical therapy for some months. Ibuprofen no longer works on my shoulder so I was in pain but martial arts and physical therapy had strengthened me so I signed up for a volleyball class.

That was a mistake. I couldn't even do a bump without hurting my arm and anything overhead, out of the question. Finally I got sick of the pain which had been getting worse so I went to the Doctor again. He got me out of volleyball and into an adaptive P.E. class because he said that I was getting worse and would continue to get worse. Volleyball is now out of the question for about a year along with tennis, badminton, and any sports other than archery involving the upper body. He also gave me pain pills that I am supposed to take every day for about a year while I do physical therapy.

Wednesday was my first day taking the pills and something strange happened.

I wasn't in pain anymore! My depression is disappearing more so every day that I do not have pain. My life is still crazy but I am not in pain anymore. I feel liberated and I can do my physical therapy without wanting to die now. (An accurate description of the pain I used to feel was somebody cutting open my shoulder and rubbing glass and sand in the muscle tying the whole procedure off with lemon juice and HCL). If you all deal with chronic pain, do something about it because once you no longer have to deal with it your life takes on a new color. Recovery will be painful but with bi-monthly check ups and painkillers that work I am on cloud nine!

(By the way, I also aced a 14 page essay that I wrote in two hours...yay!)